In my previous post I introduced the notion of cultivating what I call “mirador access”: the capacity to examine and strategize our life situation from the clearest and most comprehensive perspective possible.

Here, I will try to unpack this metaphor a little more, while addressing the obvious question of how such a perspective can be achieved through coaching and/or personal practice.

In the simplest terms, the idea of obtaining a broader view of our situation involves agreeing to step back and look things more objectively. But here, the use of the word “objective” may require further examination. Because if our agreement to be more “objective” leads us to conclude that our so-called “subjective” experience is of little or no consequence, then we would effectively be alienating ourselves from the only real power we ever have: our ability to experience life first hand, for ourselves.

All of us have a kind of “true north” inside of us– a deep sense of what’s important and meaningful to us here and now– and it is precisely this felt sense of knowing, (apart from the mental meanings we later assign to the experience) that is activated in any true empowerment process. Not only do we begin by getting in touch with ourselves in this way, but our doing so actually leads the entire process of skillfully initiating and dealing with change in our lives.

So where do we begin? Well, as I like to say, we first need to get real by getting clear about what is it that we really want, and what it’s going to take to achieve it.

If you’re the type who regularly reads self improvement blogs or would consider hiring a personal coach, you probably already know what it is you wish to achieve and are actively pursuing it, at least to a some degree. But if you find yourself at all unsure, or perhaps even a bit intimidated by the prospects of giving the idea any careful thought, then it’s crucial we start here. So ask yourself: 

What is really going on in my life right now?
What’s great and what’s not so great?
How happy or fulfilled am I over all?
What am I serious about changing?
How committed am I to initiating this change?

By agreeing to have a thorough and honest look at things, you enlist the creative freedom to explore your “subjective” experience but through the expanded awareness of your agreement to explore it in as many different ways as possible — from as many different vantage points, through as many different lens, and in as many different contexts as we can. To the extent that you are clear about what’s working and what’s is not working, the more committed you can be to making the changes necessary to change it.

It’s perhaps helpful here, to note that acquiring “mirador access” does not require that you seek outside advice from others. Although this is fine and often quite helpful, with strategic envisioning, it is always you who does the looking and the seeing. What you see, therefore, remains very personal to you. But it represents a more considered, and thus, richer perspective than you may have accessed previously.

So how is all of this done or achieved?

With my coaching clients, I first them evaluate their level of personal satisfaction in 6 to 8 key areas, using a scale of 0 to 10. (Zero being totally shut down or depressed, and 10 being entirely blissed out, or something like that.)

The actual categories can be somewhat customized, but certain, essential ones must be included in order for a truly comprehensive picture to be represented. Just by agreeing to examine our lives in this way, and see how one area may be growing and giving us lots of satisfaction, whereas another may feel so lousy we don’t even want to look at it. And unfortunately, this is exactly what most of us do.

It’s quite common, for instance, for people to initiate change only in areas where they wield a certain mastery, leaving other areas to be more or less neglected. An example might be your typical business man whose professional success has long compensated for the failures in his personal life. During a relationship crisis, he may even turn to coaching to “up the ante” in his career, not fully acknowledging the many ways in which this contributes to his shutting down and withdrawing from intimate relationships. By focusing on what he has typically found he can control– his business, he convinces himself he’s making progress in life. But doing so only further alienates him from his intimate partner, keeping him feeling powerless and resigned to see relationships as an ongoing source of pain and frustration.

For some people, examining our lives this comprehensively is an illuminating, straightforward process. For others, it can introduce anxiety, because oftentimes, the changes that are most necessary require that we take advantage of and optimize, the very resources we routine neglect or dismiss altogether. Which is why professional coaching can be so effective. Sometimes, just thinking out loud can help. But to the extent that we can be guided to move consciously beyond our patterns and tendencies, the pace at which we can change improves dramatically!

And so does the relative skillfulness of our doing so! Seldom do we see all the connections ourselves, but with an open mind and a willingness to look with a discipline and inspired focus, life truly opens up for us. And to the extent that we act on what we see and feel, we discover the real power of the vision we are given.

So let’s get real, by getting clear, committed and most of all, going!